Le journal de Kate MC - News of the World - 14.09.2008
For the first time, the
heartbreaking truth that destroys the lies of the Portuguese police.
TODAY we reveal the
secret diary of agonised mum Kate McCann' penned over months as she
and husband Gerry struggled to deal with their daughter Madeleine's
abduction.
Her words destroy the
litany of lies told by Portuguese cops to paint them as cold and
calculating. Kate wrote: 'I can't bear being without Madeleine. It's
like torture' a slow painful death.'
FOR months the
Portuguese police leaked carefully selected extracts from Kate
McCann's secret diary, chosen to deliberately paint her and husband
Gerry as the ice couple' cold, dispassionate and emotionless in the
face of three-year-old Madeleine's abduction.
Now, for the first
time, the News of the World can fill in the blanks and nail those
lies. The 135-page journal covering April 28, 2007 to Tuesday, July
31, was passed to us by a reporter in Portugal appalled by the
sickening smear campaign against the McCann's.
Kate's log of the
dark days after Madeleine vanished from their holiday flat reveals
the true picture of the tortured woman behind the calm, brave face
she had to portray in public, as initial disbelief and numbness gave
way to desperation and rage. Often she includes touching messages of
love to her missing daughter. It confirms the strength Kate drew from
her devout Catholic faith' and frankly admits the doubts the trauma
forced her to face.
THE entry for the fateful
day Madeleine McCann vanished 'May 3, 2007'makes chilling reading in
her mother's diary, because it started out so NORMAL.
Mum-of-three Kate, 40,
records that it began much like any other since the family arrived at
the Mark Warner Ocean Club in Praia da Luz on Portugal's Algarve
coast' one long, happy round of swimming, tennis, kids' club, games
and fun.
But knowing what is about
to befall them turns Kate's simple account of the children's evening
bedtime routine into a tense drama...
THURSDAY, MAY 3: Milk and
biscuits for the kids. I left them with this and books and games and
went to have a quick shower/wash my hair. M (Madeleine) tired'
sitting on my lap' I read the story of Mog (favourite children's
book).
Brush teeth. To the
bedroom with the kids. M pulls away and puts her head on pillow.
Kisses goodnight for M. Pulled the door to as far as possible without
shutting it. Silence.
Dry hair. Put make-up on.
Glass of wine. Restaurant.
(During dinner nearby
with friends 'dubbed the Tapas7 'the group took turns to check the
children. At 10pm Kate discovers Madeleine gone. The McCann's and
helpers frantically scour the area until 4am.)
FRIDAY, MAY 4: No sleep,
Gerry and I started looking through the streets around 06.00 as it
was starting to get light. Nobody around. Why not' Desperate.
Minutes seem like hours.
Outside of the apartments masses of people asking questions about
that night and for descriptions of Madeleine. Long day.
(Then Kate, Gerry and
their seven friends were taken to the Policia Judiciaria, or PJ,
headquarters in nearby Portimao to give statements.)
Nobody from the police
introduced themselves. Nobody offered us a drink or food. All the
police dressed informally and smoking. No sympathy was shown and far
from inspiring.
I believe my statement
would have been around 15.00 and such. They allowed G (Gerry) to come
in with me but seated behind me. Translator present.
The police officer who
took us by car to the station was the one asking the questions and
afterwards typed the answers on a typewriter. Morose.
We left the police
station around 7.30pm to 8pm. After 15 minutes we received a call
from the PJ saying we had to go back but they didn't tell us why. We
turned around and flew back at around 200 kilometres an hour. Once
again frightening. Did they find her' Please God. Is she dead'
Prayers. We arrived' they showed us a photo of a girl they'd
forgotten to show us from the close circuit TV footage. Not M.
Devastating.
SATURDAY, MAY 12:
(Madeleine's birthday) Madeleine is four years old. Day at resort
with holiday group. Special Mass for Madeleine at 18.00 in Praia da
Luz.
MONDAY, MAY 14: I slept
well last night after a not very good end of the day, frustration
with the FLO (Portuguese police family liaison officer) asking me
where would my little M be.
I got up at 06.50. I
dealt with some trifles and got myself ready for the statement to the
press at 08.00.
I tried to put on a
slightly more presentable and 'healthy' air. Gerry again gave a great
performance.
Following on we answered
about four questions. I almost responded to the first one asking how
we were, but I didn't. I did answer a question on our possible return
home. I replied that obviously I didn't even think about that.
Anyway, it seemed to have gone well. After breakfast and our having
left S and A, (twins Sean and Amelie, then aged two) we went to
church to pray in silence. Very good, calming.
After getting back I
decided to go running' for the first time since THE day (already 11
days ago). I knew that it was going to be physically difficult, but I
also knew that I wasn't going to give up, because it was for
Madeleine and also because the level of pain is far higher now.
No cameras or
journalists, which was great. I went running towards the beach and
then along it and again climbed that hill so steep 'without stopping!
(I carried a photo of M in my hand to keep me going.) On the last
hill past the tennis courts my legs completely weak, but I managed to
keep myself walking. I managed to reach the apartment then time to
stop' to think' I felt really quite calm.
WEDNESDAY, MAY 23: Gordon
Brown (then Chancellor and PM in waiting) called and spoke with Gerry
-very kind and giving encouragement.
Feeling a bit emotional
afterwards.
SATURDAY, MAY 26: We went
to an amusement park with the kids. Some phone calls, emails etc. Not
a very good day for either the two of us' some dark thoughts/
frustrations/ desperation creeping in. Some tears.
(Then in a moving little
message to Madeleine) I love you so much XXX
SUNDAY, MAY 27: Clarence
(Clarence Mitchell, Foreign Office family liaison at the time) spoke
to us about a possible trip to the Vatican. It seems that it really
is going to happen' main story on the news!
Spoke to Dad. I went for
a walk to the beach with Sean and Amelie. Frozen. Beach' slippery,
wet feet.
We all had dinner when we
got back to the apartment.
We have to keep looking.
We have to find you beloved xxxxx.
(Kate signed off the
day's entry by drawing a heart with 'I LOVE MADELEINE' inside.)
WEDNESDAY, MAY 30: (After
trip to see Pope detailed above) The kids went to bed again around
9pm!!! Low point of tonight' becoming desperate/without hope because
of the lack of information. They are acting like they have no leads
at all. Very worried.
Tomorrow it will be 4
weeks since Madeleine was taken. Four weeks since we saw our special
little girl. We are not certain that we will ever see her again, but
know that we have to keep up our hope and strength' for the others,
at least. Exhausted.
I love you so much,
Madeleine. You must come back! X
FRIDAY, JUNE 1: Quite fed
up...I can't stop thinking about Madeleine, about her fear of pain.
How can I go on knowing that her life could have ended like this'
This week I have been
quite overtaken by black thoughts. Please, God, bring her back.
Bedtime is becoming more
and more of a challenge.
SATURDAY, JUNE 2: I can't
remember today (which is now yesterday!). The morning was spent doing
paperwork. I wrote a letter to JK Rowling, asking for her help in
keeping M in the public eye. She has a new Harry Potter book which
will come out in July. I asked if it would be possible to do
something like a bookmark with M on.
An enjoyable afternoon' I
never felt so relaxed. I felt it was wrong. S and A had fun and that
was important. I also worried about what people might think, like
'How can they manage to...''
It seems that Sean is
liking the beach more these days. We had tea in a nearby restaurant'
good, despite still thinking that I had to do normal things without
feeling guilty. We left around 7.30pm and the kids were completely
exhausted.
Fed up again 'poor M.
Once again it took a long time before S and A were sorted. Finally
went to church for 10 minutes.
Private worship
(despairing!).
Cried again in bed' I
can't avoid it. I need her close to me. Thinking about her fear of
pain breaks my heart. Thinking about paedophiles makes me want to
tear at my own skin. Of course these people, like psychopaths, aren't
'normal' human beings. I was never in favour of the death penalty,
but these people should be kept in a secure place. I wouldn't even
complain if it was in nice surroundings, but, certainly in the case
of paedophiles always distanced from any type of contact with
children.
Whose human rights are
more important' Those of a paedophile or of a vulnerable, defenceless
child'
TUESDAY, JUNE 5: Woke up
relatively late again, around 7.30am, with a good morning wake-up
call from S and A. Adorable!! I just wish it had been all three of
them that came into the room. After a shower and breakfast, I took S
and A to the Kids' Club. I asked if they could make birthday cards
for their Grandma and Gerry' today is his birthday but I had
forgotten which is not surprising!
THURSDAY, JUNE 7: The
Press conference went well. People are always asking how we are
managing to cope, how we can manage to run a campaign, as if we are
strange because we are able to appear calm and controlled and aren't
going under all the time. They know so little. Nobody should judge or
criticise because, unless they have already been in this situation,
they have NO IDEA how they would be and certainly NO IDEA how painful
it is. NO IDEA AT ALL. I love you so much Madeleine xxxx
I can't bear this. I
can't bear being without Madeleine. It's like torture' a slow,
painful death. I hope her suffering, if she is suffering, is much
less. Please God.
SUNDAY, JUNE 17: Cherie
Blair (then the Premier's wife) phoned to find out how we were.
We talked about
everything in general, including about them leaving Number 10. She
agreed as well to make a 20-second video clip for our broadcast on
YouTube about Madeleine and children who have disappeared.
I also had the chance to
speak to Tony (then Prime Minister) who told me that we weren't to
hesitate to ask him if there was something he could do to help.
On Sky News tonight they
suddenly said the Portuguese police had stated that the crime scene
had been contaminated' because of us' and that fundamental evidence
had been lost. How dare they insinuate that our daughter's life could
be put in danger because of us. Very angry. Very upset.
I want to speak to
someone now, but it's too late.
I changed my mind and I
sent a text message to Ricardo (Portuguese police family liaison
officer). I don't know if was a sensible idea but I feel really
annoyed.
My darling little
Madeleine, you know that we wouldn't do anything to put you in
danger.
I love you very much and
I am in agony right now.
I only have to hope that
God helps us all now and that he brings you back to us, safe and
sound, very soon.
I need you to come back
Madeleine. You are the best thing in my life that has ever happened
to me. XXXXX
I ended up feeling very
upset. Everything overflowed. Terrified that we might not get
Madeleine back. I simply cannot face that. Tears, despair, rage,
helplessness. I spoke to Gerry, recited prayers. Please God, bring
her back XX
I fell asleep after 1am.
MONDAY, JUNE 18: I spent
a few lovely hours with Sean and Amelie building a sandcastle with a
moat, getting big hugs from Sean, ice creams.
Shower, lovely meal and a
little playtime with the kids.
(But as night closes in
Kate's anguish returns.)
I cant stand living like
this. It's so painful and distressing. Dear Lord, PLEASE answer our
prayers. PLEASE send Madeleine back to us. PLEASE.
I love you so, so much
Madeleine, more than anything XXXXX.
TUESDAY, JUNE 19: Last
night I didn't manage to get to sleep until around 1am because I was
so upset again. It's so painful to be without Madeleine and I can't
stand to think that it could be like this forever. This simply cannot
happen.
Good night, good night
Madeleine, I'm longing to read you a bedtime story again. I love you
my little darling X.
I'm longing to read you a
bedtime story again. I love you my little darling X.
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 20: There
is still no sign of Madeleine. I didn't feel like it so I decided not
to go running.
Went to pick up Gerry
from the airport. It was so good to see him. Just before we reached
the apartment we saw a man lying in the middle of the street, so we
stopped the car and got out. It was no surprise to see that he was
drunk (we've all been there!) but he recognised Gerry and me
immediately. Gerry walked him round to his apartment.
THURSDAY, JUNE 21: I went
to the church around 9.20pm to pray a bit by myself, in peace. I got
a bit annoyed, I don't understand why God doesn't answer my prayers.
I think I need a sign of some sort. I miss her so much. It is so
painful and I don't feel my life is complete and I won't ever feel it
is complete, if she doesn't come home. Gerry came down later on to be
with me.
Apart from a glass of
wine, chocolate and this diary, there's nothing much else to tell.
I LOVE YOU MADELEINE.
GOOD NIGHT GOOD NIGHT X X X.
FRIDAY, JUNE 22: I miss
Madeleine loads and that's a real understatement. Sometimes I think I
must have done something so bad. (Then Kate recalls the IVF treatment
she needed to get pregnant) It was so difficult and painful 'trying'
to have Madeleine and now this!!!
Why''' Bad luck''' A sick
joke''' And then I think I don't want to think about me' I'm an
adult, but Madeleine, dear, sweet, vulnerable, beautiful Madeleine...
and I just feel like screaming. WHY'
Dear Lord, I continue to
ask, continue to hope, continue to try to have faith in You. Please
help us. Put an end to this nightmare. Please help Madeleine. PLEASE
LORD.
Unbearable
Madeleine, I love you
with all my heart. You are part of my being and I will never feel
whole without you. I hope and pray for the day, hopefully soon, when
we will be reunited and together again FOREVER. I miss you so much. I
need you. I love you. XXXXXXXXXXX
SATURDAY, JUNE 23: I woke
up after 7am hesitating (again!) about going running but eventually I
built up enough enthusiasm to convince Gerry that we should go. He
ran quite well and without a doubt it was worth us going.
Will we see her again one
day' How can this end well now' She's so precious. God I need you to
do something soon. I'm so desperate and suffering so much.
This evening I felt quite
low again. It's the awful uncertainty, helplessness and worry. It's
really unbearable. I only want to be able to hide or hibernate until
this is all over and Madeleine is back. Please make sure she's OK.
The usual' dinner, a few
drinks and emails. Good night. Good night my darling, longing to lie
down...
SUNDAY, JUNE 24: Oh,
Madeleine, I find the nights so difficult and only God knows how
things are going to find you. I just want to say, once again, that
you have been the most special and amazing thing that ever happened
to me.
I've never felt such love
for another person. I hope and I trust that God and Mary are
protecting you and I only know that Dad and I and all your wonderful
family and friends will continue to search for you, and we all long
for the day when you will be back with us again' FOREVER! XX
Good night. Good night
darling. I love you XXXXXXXX
TUESDAY, JUNE 26: I went
for a short walk to the shops nearby. I had heard that there was a
paedophile there. Nice, isn't it'
If people informed us
about these criminals of course we'd be more cautious and we'd feel
safer!
Unfortunately I read two
books of messages that had been delivered... There were three
horrible ones. One from a former Met Police officer' very
insensitive/ cruel and far from constructive! Another said 'R.I.P.
Maddie' 'how appalling!
Well, not surprisingly I
was very upset and I went out to the rocks on the beach. I cried a
lot and spoke to Madeleine and to God. I was still not ready to go
but Gerry was calling me. The police had arrived, as planned, at the
apartment. I calmed down and went to the meeting with the police.
Everything seems to be so slow. We finished at around 7pm so I went
to be with the kids and tell them bedtime stories. I had dinner, had
a few drinks despite having said I wanted it without alcohol!! We
talked some more.
My darling Madeleine, I
feel such fear and dread when I think of you. Every day and every
night, it is TOO MUCH. I can only have hope and trust in God and Mary
to look after you and bring you back to us soon.
I'm so sorry if I/we let
you down. I hope you know how fond of you we are and that we would
NEVER do anything intentionally that would put you in danger' of any
kind. You are so precious to me. You make me so happy and I miss you
so much. Please God, please Mary, keep watch over our sweet
Madeleine. Keep her safe and sound and bring her back to us soon! X X
MONDAY, JULY 2: (The day
the McCann's had to move from the Ocean Club apartment to a rented
house.)
I started to put
everything in the suitcases and then I took S and A to the Kids' Club
around 09.20 and then I came back to pack the cases. We moved
everything to the house around 10:30. Although now I think that it is
a good thing to move to the house' with a bit more privacy'
everything feels wrong and painful without Madeleine. I cannot
believe that this has happened. She is so loving and I desperately
want her back. Sean and Amelie appeared very excited about the 'new
house' especially with regard to their room. After lunch on the
terrace, Gerry filled the Jacuzzi with cold water and the children
enjoyed themselves immensely in their 'swimming pool'. I went to look
for Chinese food for 4.
Oh dear Madeleine, where
are you' Are you nearby' Please keep well and be strong, my little
one. We are desperate to find you. We love you very much. You are so
special. I long to give you the biggest hug in the WORLD!! I miss you
so much. I love you so much my dear Madeleine.'
THURSDAY, JULY 5: I got
up at 7.15. Gerry went for a run.
NOTHING is or will be as
good again without Madeleine.
I am thinking about you a
lot, dearest Madeleine, and praying a lot so that we find you soon'
alive and unharmed.
Stay strong' you know
that we all love you very very very much XXXXX.
FRIDAY, JULY 6: (The day
a man was arrested in Holland for a cruel hoax intended to extort
'1.3million from the McCann's in return for details of the kidnappers
and Madeleine's location.) I wrote my emails and finished our
statement for when the story broke about the Dutch man's extortion
near lunchtime.
He's 39, unemployed, says
that he was bored and wanted to play with our emotions. Bastard.
David Miliband (the new Foreign Secretary) phoned Gerry to offer
support.
SATURDAY, JULY 7: We had
breakfast and got the children ready as usual. At 10.30 the four of
us went to the Algarve Shopping Centre.
The plan was to buy
sandals and some other things for the children. However the journey
was a disaster. We had to stop three times on the way there, since
Sean and Amelie were crying alternately.
PAIN REVISITED: Kate and
Gerry McCann talk ahead of the one year anniversary of Madeleine's
disappearance
I began to feel that it
had been a wasted day, even though Sean and Amelie had some good goes
in Noddy's car and Popeye's boat. The return journey was slightly
more bearable.
I had a 'moment' while we
were having lunch. I saw a woman who looked pregnant and I began to
think about when I was pregnant with Sean and Amelie. And then it hit
me. (Kate then remembers a touching scene from the past.) Madeleine
was coming to visit us later that evening, the look of wonder on her
face, and afterwards she got in beside me in bed. She was and is so
adorable' a real jewel, a real gift. And I painfully miss her.
At around 18.00 went to
church. It was good... there was nobody else there. Later Gerry
turned up and joined me and we went down as far as the rocks on the
beach and talked a little about Madeleine. But I began to feel
slightly pessimistic and fearful. Please, my God, prove to us that we
are not wrong. But I was feeling worse. Please, my God, let this have
a happy ending.
I have been thinking a
lot about you today, Madeleine. I am so worried and frightened for
you. I can only hope that God has you in his hands and brings you
back to us soon. Please, my God, help us, help Madeleine.
We love her and we need
her so much, and she loves us and needs us. Please, please, please
make it so that we have some good news soon. Good night darling. I
love you. (I can hardly wait to say 'See you tomorrow.')
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
THURSDAY, JULY 12: I hate
the person who took my Madeleine'the same one who has caused all this
trouble, who made us feel worthless and mistrustful and mainly who
has frightened my beautiful Madeleine. I will never forgive that
person/those people for this. Never.
Today I washed the Cuddle
Cat (Madeleine's favourite soft toy and a constant comfort to
heartbroken Kate). I was hoping not to have to do it until Madeleine
returns, but it was now quite dirty and smelly, unfortunately without
the smell of Madeleine on it. XX
TUESDAY, JULY 17: Finding
it very difficult to talk to people from home, unless they are
directly involved. It is difficult to show an interest in other
people's lives and children at the moment. I know it sounds horrible,
selfish and egocentric, but at the moment I can only think about
Madeleine. I don't want to hear about anyone having babies or getting
pregnant (mainly because it was all so very difficult for us). I'm
worried about turning into a bitter, angry woman, that would be
horrible. Please God bring Madeleine back and let this nightmare end.
Please don't let our
lives be destroyed by this. Please don't let them hurt Madeleine.
Earlier today I found
Amelie in our room looking at photos of Madeleine and she said: 'I
miss my sister. Where's my sister''
I couldn't believe it. I
didn't realise Amelie's vocabulary and use of words was so good. I
just said: 'I miss her too. We'll find her soon.' What a little
sweetheart!
She then turned her
attention to something else.
We took turns jumping
into the water with the kids, which was great fun. After a DVD and a
story it was the twins' bedtime which didn't take too long tonight.
Madeleine, we are all with you darling.
Keep strong, be patient,
we'll keep on going till we find you. I love you so much. We hope and
pray we'll see you soon.
Goodnight, my darling.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.
WEDNESDAY, JULY 18: It
was suggested that Madeleine is dead and buried in an area close to
the beach, behind the cliff.
What can I say' I feel my
body's on the verge of collapse. How much pain and emotion can one
body take' I had a bad afternoon. I was very worried, desperate,
extremely on edge. I don't think I can take any more of this, I
really can't. How much longer will this suffering go on' I need
Madeleine ALIVE.
SATURDAY, JULY 21: I
continue to feel very low. I miss Madeleine so much. It's as if a ray
of light has disappeared from my life. There's no doubt that
Madeleine is that ray and I miss her more than words can say.
We just wrote our
blogs/diaries. Once again those dark thoughts returned, linked with
feelings of anxiety, fear and worry. How much longer will we have to
cope with this pain'
My poor, poor Madeleine.
Why, Lord' My heart aches with so much love for you, Madeleine. I
just hate being without you.
(Kate then relives the
last time they saw Madeleine in the Ocean Club apartment.)
If I could go back in
time, I would. I have clear recollections of that night. You were so
tired. After your baths, you sat on my knee and put my wedding ring
on your finger. We (me, you, Sean and Amelie) read 'Mog' in the
living area and then 'if you're happy and you know it'. We all sat
down on your bed.
Then you counted the
squares on the last page. You were always counting things on
pages...always laying your head on your pillow at the same time every
night. Madeleine you make me so happy. I just want you home. I love
you so much. XXXXXXX
MONDAY, JULY 23: I got up
at 7.00 and went running. I was surrounded by a pack of dogs (more or
less 12)'it really wasn't a nice experience. I went to the flat, high
part of the cliff as I felt really alone and a little frightened.
Please God, don't let Madeleine be buried here. Please God, make sure
she's alive. Please God, bring her back quickly to us.
I took S and A to the
Kids' Club at 9.45 then I went to church to pray a little on my own.
Every single moment of
happiness with Sean and Amelie, who are both so delightful, is mixed
with deep sadness. All I want is Madeleine to be safe and happy
again.
Baths, stories and some
bedtime chaos from Sean and Amelie before I finally put them to bed
at 21.15.
I spent some time on the
internet reading about Sarah Payne (Roy Whiting), Eliz. Smart (Brian
Mitchell) and the Peter Voisey case (he abducted a six-year-old girl
from the bath in North Tyneside). Really horrible.
Night, night sweetheart.
I'm trying to be positive. I need to be because I need to believe
that you're going to come back to me, so I can go back to being truly
happy. I love you XXX.
TUESDAY, JULY 24: Sean
and Amelie had lots of fun in the Jacuzzi' laughter galore! Carrot
sticks and crisps were had by all at teatime.
Oh, darling Madeleine. It
pains me to think of you' it causes me such sorrow and I have no idea
how you feel. I pray to God that you are well, that you are not hurt.
I pray that God keeps you safe and sound and that you're not afraid,
nor in pain.
Please God, answer my
prayers and please, please, please bring Madeleine back to us very
soon, for our own happiness. Please God.
Madeleine, sweetheart, I
love you so much. I can't stop saying it. Night, night darling. We
will keep hoping and having faith in God. XXXXXXX.
Restless
WEDNESDAY, JULY 25: I
received some bad news last night. A friend has breast cancer and has
just received her first dose of chemotherapy following surgery.
Horrible. I will include her in my prayers.
At around 15.30 I went
for a run. I had begun to feel restless and worried about Madeleine.
It was hot and hard work, but I felt better for having gone.
We returned at around
18.15'the children's dinner and baths, our dinner.
(and the children's once
again!).
Madeleine, sweetheart,
you are the most important thing, the only thing that matters. Words
cannot describe how I feel about you nor how restless, tormented,
alone, sad and incomplete I feel.
I will continue to hope
and pray that you come back to us soon but I don't want to think
about how good it would be to feel something like that' not yet, at
least.
I love you so, so much
darling. I remember sitting watching you through the glass window
when you were having your swimming lessons on a Saturday morning.
There you were with your yellow swimsuit, ever so pretty and you were
smiling and waving at me, and the tears rolled down my face!
I was and am still so
proud of you, Madeleine, and my love for you is never-ending. I can't
stop saying how much I love you dearly. I'm going to try and stay
strong for you and you have to do the same. You know we love you and
we are going to keep going until we find you again.
All my love, Madeleine.
Night, night. Sleep well. May God protect you. XXXXX.
SATURDAY, JULY 28: I got
up at 7.30 after a late and disturbed night of sleep.
At around 16.20 we had a
dip in the Jacuzzi. Sean and Amelie loved it. After tea I went to the
small church. I was a little tearful.
It's really hard for me
not to worry about the small things. I wonder does anyone brush her
teeth' She looks so happy in that photo taken on that last day.
I know I'm repeating
myself but I can't stop myself from saying how much I love you,
Madeleine. I'll say it as many times as I need to. You're so, so
special. XXXXX.
TUESDAY, JULY 31: (The
day before police seized the diary) I got up early after another late
and very disturbed night.
I dropped by the church.
I feel better after these short conversations.
I cooked my first meal
(since they took Madeleine!!) for dinner tonight.
Please God' make me
right. Please God' protect her. Please God' bring her back to us
soon!
Night, night Madeleine,
by dearest little angel. My sweetheart, my darling, my love, my
companion. I love you more than anything. Lots of hugs my darling.
I'm going to dream that I'm lying by your side' moments I'll always
cherish and I long to have again.
Sweet dreams my little
one. Be strong. Mummy XXXXX.
Pope was so gentle and so
sincere
DEVOUT Catholic Kate's
nerves were on edge as she and Gerry prepared to meet the Pope at the
Vatican on May 30.
On May 28 she wrote: 'I
felt somewhat concerned. This is going to be a little too much, I
only want Madeleine back and to return to our normal life.'
Two days later her diary
recalls: 'Pope Benedict XVI arrived in his 'pope mobile' waving to
everyone. It immediately became clear that he recognised us. He took
hold of our hands and he was so gentle, so sincere.
'I thanked him for having
allowed us to be there with him. He said he would pray for us and
that he would continue to pray for Madeleine and for her safe return.
I gave him the photo of Madeleine' he blessed it (with the thumb)'
something that we would be able to keep for ever. A shy man but very
friendly.
'Very emotional, very
positive, very important' charming.
'Please, God, bring back
to us little Madeleine. We love her so much and we miss her so much.
Please Lord, help us to be united once again shortly as a family.
'Later on, Clarence
(Foreign Office family liaison) told me that, before that (meeting
the Pope), a butterfly had flown above and had landed on the bow on
my hair.
'Following on, it left,
but it came back and landed on my lapel. An omen, we hope.'
Analyse
Kate MC a commencé à écrire un journal sur ses pensées et les événements après la disparition de sa fille et dans la continuité du fait qu'elle ne l'a jamais cherchée et n'a jamais eu de réaction émotionnelle quand surgissait un signalement. Pourquoi a-t-elle pris la peine de décrire ses pensées si elle n'a pas cherché son enfant et n'a jamais réagi à l'annonce d'un signalement. Voici l'explication qu'elle donne :
Je veux quand ils en seront capables et qu'ils seront prêts que (mes enfants) aient accès à un compte-rendu de la vérité.
N'est-ce pas bizarre ? Si quelqu'un dont l'enfant a été vraiment enlevé écrit un journal, ne peut-on assurer sans se tromper qu'il sera véridique ? Les soupçons ne surgiront que si l'auteur juge nécessaire de nous dire que c'est la vérité. Et pour quelle raison devriez-vous rédiger au jour le jour un compte-rendu pour convaincre vos enfants de votre vérité à une date future? Les soupçons surgissent encore si l'auteur juge nécessaire de manipuler ses propres enfants. Mais ce n'est pas le plus troublant dans la version de la vérité que donne Kate MC. La dernière question est celle-ci :
Si Kate MC a commencé à écrire un journal après la disparition de sa fille, comment savait-elle alors que ses enfants ou toute autre personne auraient un jour besoin de son "compte rendu de la vérité" ? Si votre enfant a été enlevé, votre enfant a été enlevé point à la ligne. Vous n'écririez pas au jour le jour un compte-rendu pour convaincre quiconque de votre sincérité avant que des soupçons pèsent sur vous, à moins que vous ne sachiez à l'avance que cela pourrait arriver.
Nous avons découvert que Kate MC avait menti, à travers les témoignages de Fiona WP et de Jane TB. Imaginez que vous découvrez que votre enfant n'est plus chez vous. Qu'allez-vous faire ?
- chercher l'enfant frénétiquement
- ne pas chercher
Les MC, ils le disent, n'ont pas cherché physiquement leur fille disparue.
Que ressentez-vous ? Indifférence, surprise, horreur, ou soupçons ? Imaginez maintenant qu'après un certain temps on vous dit que votre enfant pourrait avoir été aperçu ici et là. Que faites-vous ?
- entrer dans une spirale émotionnelle de hauts et de bas
- rester calme en attendant d'apprendre quels sont les faits
Les MC, ils le disent, ne réagissent émotionnellement à aucun signalement. Que ressentez-vous ? Indifférence, surprise, horreur, ou soupçons ? Donc non seulement les MC n'ont pas cherché leur fille, mais ils n'ont jamais réagi à aucun signalement possible. Face à ces deux faits combinés êtes-vous toujours indifférent ? Ces deux faits ne mènent qu'à deux conclusions.
1) Les MC sont des êtres humains d'exception qui sont d'une certaine façon étrangers à la manière qu'ont les autres de se comporter.
2) Les réactions des MC sont le signe qu'ils savent où est leur fille ou ce qui lui est arrivé, ou les deux
