Première interview de Kate MC en solo
The Independent - 05.08.2007 (date publication)
De
toute évidence, les interviews publiés dans la presse ne sont pas
de bons indicateurs car les pauses et les demi-mots sont supprimés
et le résultat est une version assainie de l'entretien. Encore une
fois cependant, les réponses de Kate aux questions spécifiques à
l’enquête suivent le même schéma que ci-dessus.
Quelques
exemples:
KMC
:
'There wasn't a shadow of a doubt in my mind she'd been taken. That's
why the fear set in. Then you go through the guilt phase.'
Encore
une fois, dans cette dernière phrase, elle semble s'être déplacée
de l'événement et donne l'impression de se référer à quelque
chose qu'on lui a conseillé de dire. Elle ne dit pas comment elle
s'est sentie en tant que protagoniste de l'événement, elle dit, en
termes généraux, ce que quelqu'un ayant traversé cette situation
penserait.
KMC
:
'You don't expect a predator to break in and take your daughter out
the bed.'
C’est une manière
curieusement dédaigneuse, désinvolte et insensible de décrire
l’enlèvement cauchemardesque de votre propre fille. Et encore une
fois, elle parle comme si elle avait été placée en dehors de
l'événement en utilisant "vous" au lieu de "moi"
ou "nous". On lui a demandé son avis personnel, on
s'attend à une réponse telle que "Nous n'avons jamais imaginé
qu'un prédateur s'introduise et prenne notre fille".
KMC
:
'Why would you for one minute think something like that would
happen?' It's not like we went down town or anything.'
À nouveau "vous",
l'éloignant de l'événement dans une déclaration défensive,
méprisante et presque agressive.
KMC
:
'You can't imagine in your wildest dreams that anyone would do
something like that.'
Pourquoi utiliser le mot
"vous" et "vos rêves les plus fous"? Pourquoi ne
pas dire "Je n'ai jamais imaginé dans mes rêves les plus fous
que quelqu'un puisse faire quelque chose comme ça." Encore une
fois, comme auparavant, cela place Kate en dehors de l’événement,
observant et racontant une histoire.
KMC
:
'That night runs over and over in my mind, and I'm sure people will
learn from our mistake, if you want to call it that.'
Nous pouvons certainement
dire que laisser ses trois jeunes enfants de moins de 4 ans, seuls
dans un appartement sombre et étrange, est pour le moins une erreur.
Il est également
intéressant de noter que dans cette interview, Kate déclare:
'Maybe
it was because it was family-friendly, because it felt so safe. That
week we had left them alone while we had dinner.'
Cela
clarifie le fait que les McCann laissaient leurs enfants seuls tous
les soirs des vacances, alors qu'ils allaient boire avec leurs amis.
Et:
'I
was checking for her. Then there was panic and fear. That was the
first thing that hit. I was screaming her name. I ran to the group.
Everyone was the same.'
Kate déclare clairement
qu'elle est retournée au restaurant tapas pour lancer l'alerte. Elle
aurait pu crier du balcon de son appartement. La décision de laisser
les jumeaux seuls alors qu'elle estt «immédiatement» convaincue
que Madeleine vient d'être enlevée est extraordinaire..
Interview
On Saturday, it will be 100 days
since Madeleine McCann was snatched
from the Portuguese
resort of Praia da Luz. Interviewed for the first time without her
husband, Madeleine's mother tells Lori
Campbell about the
criticism they have faced, the support they have received and how she
and her family have coped since that
dreadful night.
The one thing I have
always been definite about is that I wanted to
be a mother. Then when
we were trying for a baby and it wasn't happening, it was really hard.
The longer it went on, the harder
it was. I saw my friends
having children and I was really delighted for them, but it made me
feel sad too.
We tried
unsuccessfully for several years to conceive. There came
a point when we admitted
we needed help. I was so desperate to have a child I'd try anything. I
know IVF isn't everyone's
choice, but I wanted to
try it. By that stage I was happy to start the treatment because it was
taking the pressure off us
a bit. We had one
unsuccessful attempt before Madeleine, and that was very hard. But when I
got pregnant with Madeleine it
was just fantastic. It
didn't seem true. I did a test at home so I could handle the result if
it wasn't good. I was looking
at it thinking 'I don't
believe that'. Then I went to the hospital and they checked it. I was
really excited.
Madeleine's birth
Once we were past 12
weeks we were telling everyone. I swam every
day until the day she
was born to keep us both healthy. It was a really uncomplicated
pregnancy. I had no sickness, nothing.
It was so easy. I didn't
know I was having a girl until she was born. [She smiles] There she
was, perfect. She was lovely.
She had the most
beautiful face. I'd thought I was going to have a boy, just based on
instinct. That actually made it even
more special that she
was a girl.
The first five or six
months were really difficult. She had very bad
colic and cried about 18
hours a day. She had to be picked up all the time. So I spent many a
day dancing round the living
room holding Madeleine. I
remember trying to butter my toast with one hand and holding her in the
other. We would watch the
clock and Gerry would
come home and there would be three of us. Sometimes she just looked so
sad with colic, and the three
of us would be cuddled
together trying to get her through it. Like a lot of things, you go
through that difficult, bad stage
and it tightens that
bond. We've both got an incredible bond with Madeleine.
The twins are born
When the twins were
born she was amazing, I keep saying that, but
she was. She was only 20
months old. She just handled it so well. She was still a baby herself
... [Kate's voice breaks and
she has to pause to stop
herself crying] I'll try not to get emotional at this point. I just
remember when they were born.
I'm going to get a bit
upset now, sorry. When the time came to bring Madeleine in, it was in
the evening. She came in and
... just her little
face. When she saw the twins for the first time it was lovely. It was so
nice, this expression. She sat
on the end of my bed.
We had the odd moment
of course, such as when I was breast-feeding
the twins. There was a
tired Madeleine walking about the room wanting attention. But she was
remarkable the way she coped
with it all. She would
look at me and say 'hold it, hold it,' meaning she wanted to hold one of
the babies."
Holiday in Portugal
She was so excited
about coming to Portugal. She was holding on to
another girl's hand
walking up the stairs to the plane. She was no trouble on the flight,
always chatting, and colouring in
or reading.
The kids had a
fantastic time. We all did, but it was lovely seeing
them having fun. We did
use the kids' club and very often did activities there. Madeleine in
particular had a ball. They did
swimming, went on a
little boat, went to the beach, did lots of colouring in and face
painting. Madeleine is at the age where
she could really enjoy
it.
They played tennis,
which she loved, she was so happy. They had a
little dance prepared
for Friday. It was a little presentation they were working on in the
days before. I don't know what
it was, I never got to
see it ...
On the evening she went missing, before she went to bed, she said,
'Mummy I've had the best day ever. I'm having lots and lots of fun.' [Pause]
That night
The night she went
missing there was about 20 seconds of disbelief
where I thought 'that
can't be right'. I was checking for her. Then there was panic and fear.
That was the first thing that
hit. I was screaming her
name. I ran to the group. Everyone was the same. It was just total
fear. I never thought for one
second that she'd walked
out. I knew someone had been in the apartment because of the way it had
been left.
But I knew she
wouldn't do that anyway. There wasn't a shadow of a
doubt in my mind she'd
been taken. That's why the fear set in. Then you go through the guilt
phase. Straight away, because
we didn't know what had
happened. We were just so desperately sorry. Every hour now, I still
question, 'why did I think that
was safe?'
I can't describe how
much I love Madeleine. If I'd had to think for
one second, 'should we
have dinner and leave them?' I wouldn't have done it. It didn't happen
like that. I didn't have to
think for a second,
that's how safe I felt.
Maybe it was because
it was family-friendly, because it felt so safe.
That week we had left
them alone while we had dinner. There is no way on this planet I would
take a risk, no matter how small,
with my children. I do
say to myself 'why did I think it was safe?' But it did feel safe and so
right. I love her and I'm
a totally responsible
parent and that's the only thing that keeps me going. I have no doubt
about that.
You don't expect a
predator to break in and take your daughter out
the bed. It could have
happened under other circumstances and there would still be the regret.
It wasn't like a decision we
made. It was a matter of
'let's get the kids to sleep, then we'll have dinner.' It wasn't a
'shall I, shan't I?' thing. I
feel desperately sorry
to her that we weren't there.
This has touched so
many people. I've had so many letters from mothers,
really kind words.
People have said 'Kate, we've done this a hundred times over ourselves.
Why would you for one minute think
something like that
would happen?' It's not like we went down town or anything.
How did it happen?
People have said to
me you're the unluckiest person in the world,
and we are. That night
runs over and over in my mind, and I'm sure people will learn from our
mistake, if you want to call
it that. But it is
important not to lose sight of the fact we haven't committed a crime.
Somebody has. Somebody's been there,
somebody's been
watching. They took our daughter away and we can't lose sight of that.
There are still
moments where I think 'how did that happen?' You can't
imagine in your wildest
dreams that anyone would do something like that. It's awful for us but I
have absolutely no idea what
Madeleine's feeling.
[She pauses to hold back tears] How can someone do that to a child?
When we moved
apartments we unpacked some of Madeleine's things. We
don't have a room for
her set out or anything. I've kept her clothes together. She has lots of
presents to open that people
have sent. Mostly people
who don't know her, and pictures other children have drawn.
The twins know she's
not there and they do miss her. But on a day-to-day
basis they are happy.
They're lovely, like a little double act, they're so funny. They put
their little rucksacks on, hold
hands and walk off
around the room. They're fantastic.
The twins' reaction
Their vocabulary has
come on so much since we've been here. The older
they get the more it
stretches, and there are areas we're going to have to broach. But we'll
let them take the lead. They
talk about Madeleine's
things and if they get a biscuit they say 'one for Sean, one for Amelie,
one for Madeleine'.
There are photographs
of Madeleine all around and they comment on
them. They've got a lot
of love and protection. We've taken professional advice just to check
we're doing the right thing
by them. We have contact
with a child psychologist when we need it.
When we went back to
the UK for a family baptism there was an empty
seat on the plane and
Sean said 'that's Madeleine's seat'. That caught me. Because I wasn't
going home, it didn't feel too
bad leaving. It was
important for me to go. The hardest thing wasn't being in the UK, it was
to be with such a close family
and for Madeleine not to
be there. I knew how much she'd have loved to be there ... Despite her
small size she just has this
huge presence. She
brings a lot of joy.
Amelie asked me
afterwards, 'Where's Madeleine? I miss my big sister.'
I don't know where that
question came from, it could have been because it was a family day.
She's obviously made that connection,
she knows Madeleine's
her big sister. Amelie will sometimes point at the Cuddle Cat
[Madeleine's cuddly toy] and say 'Madeleine.
Her Cuddle Cat. Looking
after it.' She's probably heard me saying that.
Sean said something
the other day about Madeleine. It catches me.
Then they do whatever
they're doing, like 'look at this Noddy', and they're on to something
else. It's not dwelled on.
Gerry's reaction
Gerry's way of coping
is to keep busy and focused. He needs to feel
like he's doing
something. He's a very optimistic, positive person. I'm not always. With
a lot of the campaign stuff, he has
done the talking.
Sometimes I want to speak, but I just can't. It's not natural for me.
Gerry's used to having to speak at
conferences and it's
harder for me. But I'm equally involved. Every decision is mutual.
When Gerry went to
Washington, he rang me three or four times a day
to ask me what I
thought. Although I wasn't there in person I knew hour by hour what was
happening. We knew it was a positive
visit. It wasn't about
Madeleine in particular. We've learnt a lot and become aware of the
bigger issue.
Other missing children
There are so many
missing children out there, abducted children and
sexually exploited
children. Once you know all that you can't turn a blind eye to it.
Madeleine is our priority, but we have
to help. We can't just
ignore those other children.
I don't know why the
publicity's been so massive. We're normal people.
We don't have amazing
contacts or anything, we just have strong friends. Everyone brainstormed
and became very creative. They
did what they could and
if that meant asking well-known faces, celebrities, it was done. They
are normal people too. They
wanted to help.
I still have moments
of panic and fear. It's not as intense and unrelenting
as the first five days.
Now, obviously, we have hope and it's important to hold on to that. I do
go back to those dark moments.
It would be abnormal
never to touch on them. I do feel panic and fear when I'm thinking about
her, but it doesn't help. I'm
not helping Madeleine by
going there. It's important to channel those emotions into something
positive.
Returning home
But I'm not sure if
I'll ever be able to go back into our family home.
I can't bear the thought
of it. We'd lived in that house for a year and it was a really happy
family home. We have so many
happy memories in that
house. Madeleine's room is shocking pink. She chose the colour.
Obviously things
change as the weeks and months go by. We haven't
got the pressure of Sean
and Amelie starting school or anything. At the moment we're staying and
we feel happier staying.
We are closer to the
investigation. Some of that might be mad, I don't know. We don't know
where Madeleine is, we don't think
she's in the UK but
there's nothing to say she's any further from there than she is from
here. It's a gut feeling. I'm aware
there's probably things
that would be easier at home, but at the moment this is the right thing
for us.
And it's hard to
think about work. I'm not looking too far ahead,
but I can't drop the
campaign, I know that. I can't turn a blind eye to it. We'll do whatever
we can, working with other organisations,
to try to make a
difference. It's so hard not to get involved, it's so intimate to us now
that we can't ignore it. It's not
like I go round in a
bubble, but I honestly did not realise the scale of this problem,
children suffering like this.
The public's reaction
The criticism from
the public is hurtful. I hate publicity, interviews,
anything like that. I
just hate it. When things have happened in the past to children I've
wondered 'how do you get through
that, how can you even
live another day?' Then here we were doing press conferences. You just
don't know until you're in that
situation. Like this
morning: how did I get in the shower, have my breakfast?
I just go through the
motions. Any parent would do anything they could
for their child. We're
just doing what we feel is the best thing for Madeleine. Some people say
the publicity will be harmful,
that she'll be hidden
away because of it. But what can you do, just sit and do nothing? It's
difficult. It's awkward. But
it's not about me, it's
not about Gerry, it's about Madeleine.
As a couple, I think
we're stronger than ever. We've got an equal
partnership. We don't
row, we've never rowed. We have different strengths and have reached
different stages at different points
but we help each other.
We haven't talked about staying here for ever, we're just not looking
that far ahead. We've had so
much support, mothers
can empathise with me. Speaking now, on my own, is a way of saying thank
you. They've given a bit of
themselves to me.
[Next Saturday will
mark 100 days since Madeleine's disappearance]
I'm still hoping we're
not going to get there. Every day I'm hoping we won't get to the next
day without her. But we have
to keep going for
Madeleine.
If I could say one
thing to comfort her it's that we love her. She
knows we love her very
much. She knows we're looking for her, that we're doing absolutely
everything and we'll never give
up.
*
Note: Although
appearing in the Independent, and a number of other papers, this
interview was actually arranged and conducted
by the Sunday Mirror and
then subsequently made available to other media outlets.
