Part 3
Patty A Wood, MA, CSP
In the most important interviews of their careers Gary Condit sucked in his lips and stuck out his tongue, Bill Clinton touched his nose about every four minutes and Enron's Ken Lay overacted and was over confident. In these public moments they gave us nonverbal cues that they were lying. They lost their credibility. When your front counter employee smiles and sarcastically says they are so sorry you are so upset, the words are meaningless. Can you spot a liar? And can you not be seen as a liar yourself.
Nonverbal Communication is the way the subconscious mind speaks. No matter how much you want to control it, it gives clues to how you are truly feeling. This makes it an ideal medium for detecting lies. Eyes, head, voice and hands leak out cues of withholding and deception or cues that can establish credibility. Body Language cues an undeniable although the underlying motivation and interpretation can vary.
There are up to 10,000 body language cues packed in every minute of interaction. When someone is not telling the truth, their nonverbal behavior speaks volumes. Body language cues are undeniable although the underlying motivation and the interpretation can vary. Therefore you need to base your interpretation on a number of factors called deception cues.
NONVERBAL DECEPTION CUES
Pauses
Liars have longer pauses, shorter answers and longer times between a question and a response than someone who is merely nervous. It makes sense that liars need time to create the lie, recalling the truth takes less time. If you ask a clerk if they gave you back the correct change and there is a long pause before their response it may be an indication of deceit. This is not a cue you would take in isolation as fact. You might combine it with checking to see where their eyes go after you ask them the question.
People tend to look up to the right to visualize or create a new response or down to the right to create the sounds of a new response. We recall information that occurred in the past by looking up to the left or down to the left. Spot a liar by listening for pauses and right eye movement. Be credible by answering spontaneously.
The Hands Have it - Excessive Gesturing and Adaptors
If you lie spontaneously in the moment you will tend to spend more time gesturing with your hands and using adapters, such as scratching your body or playing with a pen than someone who is just nervous. Realize the rehearsed or practiced liar who has planned their deceit ahead of time will try to control gestures.
Mind Your Mouth - Mouth, Lips, and Tongue Cues
Be careful of pursing or licking your lips. This can indicate extreme anxiety, withholding information and withholding aggression. Tight lips indicate you may be planning to keep the truth in. When you are nervous, your mouth becomes dry, and you lick your lips and swallow as you struggle to find the right words to say.
Lack of Animation
Deception is all about keeping something hidden. The more a person moves his body or expresses with his voice and the more he or she speaks, the more we can learn. Practiced liars know this and usually keep as still as possible. Being overly controlled can work against you. Gary Condit was coached to stay still in his television interview. So he kept his face inexpressive, his upper body stiff and his legs crossed. First, he looked frozen, and then when he couldn't hold it any longer he leaked out aggression cues such as finger pointing grasping motions and sticking out his tongue. We spotted a liar. Don't look like a liar by making sure you are naturally animated.
Hiding Hands
The hands come out symbolically from the heart; hands and arms symbolically express the emotions of the heart. Liars tend to keep their hands hidden and still. They stick them in their pockets, clench them together or hold them behind their backs. Imagine that the person who you suspect of lying has the truth in the palms of their hands and see if they show it to you. It is not surprising that one of the first things we do to start a business interaction or close a deal with a customer is shake hands. My three years of academic research on handshakes show that the single most important factor in the handshake is palm to palm contact. Body language is highly symbolic and it will look like you are hiding your own hands for comfort.
Windows to the Soul
We have what I call windows all over the body. Just as we pull down the shades when we don’t want others to see in, we also close off the entrances to our body so our true feelings aren't seen. There are windows at the bottom of the feet, the kneecaps, the bottom of the torso, the middle of the chest, the neck, mouth and eyes and the top of the head. Liars tend to close entrances to hide the truth. A liar closes these windows by putting clothing over them, turning his body away from the person he is talking to, putting objects or furniture between himself and others and most simply folding his arms. When someone's windows are closed we don't feel as comfortable in an interaction. Don't look like a liar and keep your windows open.
Withdrawn Behavior
If we are comfortable with ourselves and the person we are with, and the topic we are discussing, we will be open and friendly. Liars don’t usually feel very comfortable so they tend to hold back and be less friendly. It is easier for friends and intimates to lie successfully because they appear less withdrawn and friendlier. Perhaps they work harder at lying because the person knows them, perhaps they are more concerned about the consequences of detection or maybe they are better at it because they have experience lying to the person in the past. In any case they lie differently and as with career criminals, they can usually maintain a more relaxed overall demeanor and look the person straight in the eye. Strangers need to work harder to keep others from seeing the truth. Consequently, they are more withdrawn and closed off from the person with whom they are conversing and usually don’t appear as friendly. Don't look like a liar by reaching out, being open and receptive.
Excessive Confidence
Have you ever experienced a super smooth salesperson? He may have over enthusiastically praised the product and you felt uncomfortable about his pitch? Then you have deciphered a lie by noting that the person sounded too good or too confident. We look and listen for anything that doesn't sound normal. Nonverbal communication, in this case paralanguage, which included things like voice, tone, volume, and speaking rate that sounds over confident or overacted is read at the subconscious level as out of the norm. Years ago a friend who was a very successful computer salesman came over to my office to do some selling for me over the phone. Instead of having a planned patter he hemmed and hawed and stumbled over his words. His mistakes surprised me. I thought he was just warming up. Five calls latter he was still sounding awkward. So I gathered up my courage and asked him about his behavior. He said, "Oh, when I first started as a salesman I was very awkward and very successful."
People went out of their way to be nice to me on the phone. Sometimes they even finished my sales pitch for me! I noticed later when I became very confident (make that cocky and fake) that I was not as successful, in fact my prospects hung up on me! So I stayed very humble. I don't worry about sounding smooth and perfect. Just being my bumbling self works for me. What my friend was experiencing is a nonverbal effect of deception. When nonverbal communication, in this case paralanguage, which includes things like voice tone, volume, speaking rate read at a subconscious level as false, our internal alarms go off. Spot a liar by going with your gut impression. Your instincts read fake at a hundred paces. Normal levels of confidence, however, also read as sincere. Don't look like a liar by being your real self.
Circumstances Not Matching Demeanor
One of the first things you look for when reading body language is the alignment of the circumstances to the demeanor of the person talking to you. For instance, in Connie Chung’s television interview with Congressman Gary Condit, we expected him to be emotionally upset and embarrassed, considering he was a politician suspected of having an affair with a young woman who had been missing for 115 days. Instead, he began the interview calmly and proceeded to become indignant. This demeanor was not what we expected. The lack of appropriateness is a sign that the person is not being sincere. Don't look like a liar by being in the moment.
Nonverbal Behavior Does Not Match Spoken Words
When the spoken words don’t agree with the nonverbal communication, we generally trust the nonverbal communication to tell us the truth. When a customer says nothing is wrong, while sitting with arms wrapped tightly around the body and a scowl on the face, we doubt her sincerity. If service rep says "yes, we can do that for you" while shaking his head "no," we can be sure he is, at least, ambivalent about the answer. Spot a liar by watching for lack of synchronicity. The subconscious reveals the truth. Look credible by having your body language match what you are saying.
A smile is the most common facial expression to mask emotions. It is often used to mask displeasure and anger. A real smile changes the entire face. The eyes light up. The forehead wrinkles, the eyebrows and cheek muscles rise, skin around the eyes and mouth crinkles and finally the mouth turns up. In a masking smile, nothing moves but the corners of the mouth and often they curve up rather than down.
Knowing these cues can help you decipher when someone else is being less than forthcoming. Sometimes people say: "It’s all in your mind." Now you know "It's all in your body."
Lors des interviews les plus importantes de leur carrière, Gary Condit a aspiré ses lèvres et tiré la langue, Bill Clinton s'est touché le nez toutes les quatre minutes et Ken Lay, d'Enron, a surjoué et s'est montré trop confiant. Dans ces moments publics, ils nous ont donné des signes non verbaux qu'ils mentaient. Ils ont perdu leur crédibilité. Lorsque votre employé de guichet sourit et dit avec sarcasme qu'il est désolé que vous soyez si contrarié, les mots sont vides de sens. Savez-vous reconnaître un menteur ? Et pouvez-vous éviter d'être vous-même perçu comme un menteur ?
La communication non verbale est la façon dont le subconscient parle. Peu importe à quel point vous voulez la contrôler, elle donne des indices sur ce que vous ressentez vraiment. C'est donc un moyen idéal pour détecter les mensonges. Les yeux, la tête, la voix et les mains révèlent des indices de réticence et de tromperie ou des indices permettant d'établir la crédibilité. Les indices du langage corporel sont indéniables, même si la motivation sous-jacente et l'interprétation peuvent varier.
Chaque minute d'interaction contient jusqu'à 10 000 indices de langage corporel. Lorsque quelqu'un ne dit pas la vérité, son comportement non verbal en dit long. Les indices du langage corporel sont indéniables, mais la motivation sous-jacente et l'interprétation peuvent varier. Vous devez donc fonder votre interprétation sur un certain nombre de facteurs appelés indices de tromperie.
INDICES DE TROMPERIE NON VERBALE
Les menteurs font des pauses plus longues, donnent des réponses plus courtes et laissent s'écouler plus de temps entre une question et une réponse qu'une personne simplement nerveuse. Il est logique que les menteurs aient besoin de temps pour créer le mensonge, alors que le rappel de la vérité prend moins de temps. Si vous demandez à un employé s'il vous a rendu la bonne monnaie et qu'il marque une longue pause avant de vous répondre, cela peut être le signe d'une tromperie. Il ne s'agit pas d'un indice à prendre isolément comme un fait. Vous pouvez l'associer à une vérification de la direction des yeux de la personne après lui avoir posé la question. Les gens ont tendance à regarder vers le haut à droite pour visualiser ou créer une nouvelle réponse ou vers le bas à droite pour créer les sons d'une nouvelle réponse. Nous nous souvenons d'informations passées en regardant vers le haut à gauche ou vers le bas à gauche. Repérer un menteur en écoutant les pauses et le mouvement de l'œil droit. Soyez crédible en répondant spontanément.
Si vous mentez spontanément sur le moment, vous aurez tendance à passer plus de temps à faire des gestes avec vos mains et à utiliser des moyens d'adaptation, comme se gratter le corps ou jouer avec un stylo, qu'une personne simplement nerveuse. Sachez que le menteur répété ou entraîné qui a planifié sa tromperie à l'avance essaiera de contrôler ses gestes.
Faites attention à ne pas pincer ou lécher vos lèvres. Cela peut indiquer une anxiété extrême, une rétention d'informations et d'agressivité. Des lèvres serrées indiquent que vous avez peut-être l'intention de ne pas dire la vérité. Lorsque vous êtes nerveux, votre bouche devient sèche, vous vous léchez les lèvres et vous déglutissez alors que vous vous efforcez de trouver les mots justes.
La tromperie consiste à cacher quelque chose. Plus une personne bouge son corps ou s'exprime avec sa voix et plus elle parle, plus nous pouvons en apprendre. Les menteurs expérimentés le savent et restent généralement aussi immobiles que possible. Un contrôle excessif peut se retourner contre vous. Gary Condit a été coaché pour rester immobile lors de son interview télévisée. Il a donc gardé un visage inexpressif, le haut du corps raide et les jambes croisées. Il a d'abord eu l'air figé, puis, n'y tenant plus, il a laissé échapper des signes d'agression tels que des mouvements d'agrippement en pointant du doigt et en tirant la langue. Nous avons repéré un menteur. Repérez un menteur en cherchant quelqu'un de trop rigide et immobile. N'ayez pas l'air d'un menteur en vous assurant que vous êtes naturellement un menteur.
